There’s no excuse for such a hiatus in writing, but I’m still going to give one and say that this summer has been full of new experiences and epiphanies. Thus, these life experiences have somewhat gotten in the way of me finding time to blog.
Going into my second year of city living I am leaving behind many instances of confusion, self doubt, or frustration. Whether it’s a year of growth in the city, turning another year older, dealing with new life experiences, or a combination of the three, I feel like I’ve taken control of my own destiny and my confidence has increased exponentially in every area of my life: acting, day job, relationships.
The highlight of my summer was getting to be part of the Fringe Festival as “Momma K” in KRiEp. This show meant a lot to me in so many different ways. It was the first musical in the city that I have performed, and I was in a cast with talented voices that were beyond my dreams. I was proud to be placed in the same category as they, and although I had typical opening night jitters and anxiety, I was so proud to show my family and audiences what I could bring to the table. The last musical I had done in New Hampshire I enjoyed and knew that I had done a good job; but I was definitely lacking a certain self confidence that I couldn’t seem to grasp. This time couldn’t have been more polar opposite. I was absolutely ecstatic to perform and essentially show off to everyone that I had coming to the show. I realized that the past year in the city and the newest repertoire I had been building made a huge difference, and that the feeling of having that confidence behind me was a feeling better than being on a vacation.
Without sounding like a complete egoist, this blossoming confidence is entering all facets of my life. I especially noticed it when I started a new job. I wanted to show them that they should want to have me, and essentially let them know that I was smart and could learn the system right away and knew what I was doing. So instead of asking constantly, “is that ok?” or hesitating, I took the reins, asked questions when I needed to, and showed them exactly what I could bring to the table. And my god, it worked beautifully.
I feel more adult with this confidence, and also more like myself. And in a way, more childlike. Children have no inhibitions, no second guesses, and think they’re awesome. I feel alive and more in touch with my inner self and who I want to be. With each step further and even stumble back, I find myself becoming more and more who I want to be as an artist and as a person. I am so ready to conquer Year 2.
(photo courtesy of Elizabeth Chambers)