Walking Into A Horror Movie

I'm going to make this short and simple:

I don't have an agent.

I want an agent.

How else will I get to audition for products (birth control, razors, tampons, and yogurt) that I should so perfectly be selling on TV?

Three years ago I did mailings to several agencies and heard nothing. I did a showcase at NYU a few months later and heard nothing. I got a few referrals to agencies. Still, NOTHING.

So here I am, July 2012, doing another mailing, but this time I'm for real about it.

In a series of very calculated moves over the course of a month, I presented myself to a handful of agencies. On this particular day, I was to do "the dropoff."

For the non-actors out there, it means I would drop off a packet to the office. As in drive around town, park, go up the elevator, and actually speak to someone. In person.

I am dressed in my best clothes. My makeup and hair is perfect. I am nervous. I am sweating. I am parched. 

The first office I go into has no one at the front desk. Hmmm. I do, however, see a sharply dressed gentleman in another room, yelling into his headset. Yes, he has a headset. The same kind of headset Britney Spears or Janet Jackson might have on when they're on stage.

He's cussing profusely. He's so angry! I'm so nervous! What should I do? I wait, because I know he will address me when he finishes his rant. A few more seconds go by...

I aimlessly look around the room. A black leather couch, a computer, a coffee table, magazines...

He gets off the headset and comes into the waiting area. "What can I do for you?"

"I wanted to drop this off for _____."

"Leave it on the desk."

"Ok, thank you!"

"Wait, is there a reel in there? A DVD?"

"Yes, it's a packet of my materials."

"No, no. (Reaching into my packet and retrieving my DVD, he hands it back to me.) Don't ever send a hard copy of your reel! Even my most famous actresses don't do that! What matters is what you look like, as I can see right here, and if we decide to bring you in, how you read."

"Okay. Thank you." .... "And your name, sir?"

HE WAS THE AGENT I WAS SUBMITTING MYSELF TO. ! ($NFOAI@OW*RHY%PRK!!!!!!!!) 

OMG. WOW. This is like a scene from a movie. Of course he would be the guy I want to speak to, and of course he would sort of b**** me out about giving him a hard copy of a reel. I'm embarrassed to say the least.

I walked out. I have not heard from him, nor do I want to. If that's what agents are like in this town, I will happily stay unrepresented!

-- Dominique | @domtoney

Photo by Deborah Wald

Comments

[Dominique]

I love your articles so far. This rains true to my experience of L.A. agents as well. Good Luck in your Search!

[Loren]

Dude, you should look into writing books. That sounded like the most harrowing experience, my heart started racing just reading it!!! Great story, look forward to hearing more!!

[Dominique]

Thanks Dominique! And what a lovely name you have :)

[Dominique]

Loren, that is one of the nicest things anyone has said to me. Seriously! I love writing, have started to write books and pilots, but have never finished them. I think you've just inspired me to!

[Gail]

Love it!

Ever consider registering with an agent outside of LA who represents LA talent? Many Dallas actors live in LA but have agents here. Linda McAlister immediately comes to mind. Good luck and Break a Leg out there!

[Dominique]

Gail - I have not considered that. How interesting..... I will look into Linda for sure!