LA Conversations To Avoid

I love lots of things about living in LA.... but there are a few that I could do without. Topping that list is the near-constant conversations that people in this town have about "the industry." Everyone seems to think they have the inside information on how this whole business works... more often than not people who have absolutely no qualifications to back this information up. 

Avoiding these conversations at all costs is extremely beneficial to your mental stability, in my humble opinion. Sometimes you get stuck, though, as I did a few months ago.

My boyfriend and I went to a dinner to celebrate a non-actor friend's recent work success. While at dinner, said friend introduced us to her actor boyfriend.

We find out that he is our age, has attended similar training programs to ours, and that we have a few friends in common. I say something about how its always nice to meet someone who is serious about their career and training. He then looks at me and sort of laughs.

I asked what was funny and he says something along the lines of, "Well, I'm not sure how serious you should be." 

Blindsided by this strangely rude comment from someone I have just met, I give him a look that says: EXCUSE ME?

He shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I went to school with [insert name of quasi-famous talented actress who is my age] and she's already really successful. I mean, I have plenty of time to make it because I'm a guy. Girls can't succeed in this industry if they're not well-known by the time they're 18."

Now, obviously this is a rude thing to say on many, many levels. It is also strange to hear someone who is at essentially the exact same level in their career that I consider myself to be try to explain "the industry" to me as though he is some kind of authority. This is not appropriate dinner party conversation, to say the least.

I told him that was an interesting opinion and spent the rest of the night focusing on the friendlier people in attendance... but, I have to be honest, what he said got to me. I know it shouldn't have, and I know better than to believe things that insecure people say to me to make themselves feel superior. Its just that... I couldn't get past the idea that there was a lot of truth to his statement, as misguided and rude as it was.

There is a substantial amount of emphasis on women being as young as possible in this business. I'm pretty gosh darn young myself, just out of school a couple of years, and yet I feel over-the-hill already. I hear stories about girls my age being asked to get botox before shooting major films. Loads of the men playing "high school" aged kids are early 30's, while most of the women are closer to 19.

What does that say? Because the truth of the matter is, right or wrong, this business is hard enough to break into... to think that you could actually change any age/sexism is even more unlikely. Which means that, in a way, you just have to accept it and deal from there.

If you're a woman trying to break into the business, do you feel this extra pressure? How do you combat it, or is that even possible? I'm really curious.

--Laura Hunter

 

Comments

[Jennifer]

What a d*&bag! But seriously, you are correct that as women we have an added amount of pressure. But take comfort in that a lot of female actresses still play roles younger than their actual age (such as Rachel McAdams and Minka Kelly to name a few). And there are also many who persevere throughout their 20's, and start booking high profile jobs in their late 20's/early 30's (and beyond). Enjoy still being young! I'm 31 (and normally play early 20's), and I remind myself every day that I will never be as young as I am now (even though I don't feel young anymore), and that the most important is that I am aware of what age range I can realistically play.

[Emma K. Harr]

What a perfect opportunity to throw a drink in someone's face! That's what I would have been considering if he'd said that to me, anyway...

I won't get on to my soapbox about gender inequalities in 'the industry,' because I would be talking forever if I did, but I'll share with you what I hold on to in this kind of situation--

You know the actresses that I admire the most? Not the tiny twenty-something ingenues that get the rom-com roles over and over again; I admire and aspire to be like the leading ladies who are 'over the hill' and beyond, such as Meryl Streep, Emma Thompson, Maggie Smith, Helen Mirren, Angela Lansbury, Elaine Stritch, Bernadette Peters, Bea Arthur, Betty White, etc. These are the women who have created CAREERS for themselves--lasting far beyond the age of teenage youth and beauty. They are above forty, even fifty, even sixty years of age--and they are still just as gorgeous and vivacious as ever! Because of my 'type,' I feel like I might hit my peak when I'm a little older. I'm not a super-tiny girl that can play a 16 year old in perpetuity. I have a curvy, average build, I'm tall, I have strong bone structure in my face--I think my 30s and 40s will serve me a lot better than the stereotypical 'forever young' thing this guy at that party thinks is what is necessary for women to make it.

I encourage you to do what you think you need to do to succeed in your goals, but don't ever count yourself out because of the opinions of one high-maintenance, idiotic actor. It's exactly that attitude that perpetuates the stereotype that only young teenage-esque women can survive in our business. Go get 'em, girl. And do it for the next forty years, too.

[Linda Fausnet]

What an arrogant ass. Even though you know what he said is not true, I know it's still upsetting.

Bea Arthur didn't become famous until she was over 50. Just sayin'.

[Justine]

"Loads of the men playing "high school" aged kids are early 30's,"

Really......? Who?

I don't think there are many men past 30 playing teenagers at all. Male actors this age can still play twenties, if they look young enough, but not high school. I actually think (some) female actors are more likely to play much younger than the men. Guys tend to develop hairline issues that make them look not quite so boyish anymore--at least for high school roles.

And (close to the point that Emma makes, above)--forget about high school. Those are not the only roles to play. Obviously actors that can play those roles can and should, as long as they can, but there are many other roles to do. Concentrate on longevity, not on being the hot-young-thing-of-the-moment, because that fades. And forget about ignorant tools at dinner parties. They're not worth it. :)

[Laura Hunter]

Thanks for the support, y'all! :)

[c]

He's not gonna "make it."

[Angela Sauer]

When I told my then-boyfriend that I was planning to go to grad school, he said I was an idiot for "wasting three of the most castable years" of my life in academia, as women only really get cast "in their twenties".

Screw him. I went to grad school in my twenties. I finished it, still in my twenties. And now I have skills that will help me get cast for the rest of my life.

Sexism is so frustrating.

[Laura Hunter]

Good for you, Angela. :)

[Kristine Linnde]

I just do community theatre as a hobby, and I have noticed a severe lack of men auditioning, making it so much easier for them to succeed. The theater also inevitably produce shows with abundant male roles, such as a current production of Tom Sawyer in which I play the only role that was correct to my age and gender, and has about a dozen lines. There are many talented young women playing extras in this show, and yet under-qualified young men play big roles. When one talented male shows up, he gets the lead. This issue with men having easier starts with the bottom rung of the ladder.