Do you ever feel like you start to get numb to everything?? Do you start to wander in and out of auditions and around the city with a some sort of protective layer covering you? It's almost as though you are not awake. Being in a kind of dream state is a lot easier then feeling nervous and caring. Maybe it was the rain,...maybe it was my allergy medicine, or maybe I was just tired or down or not sure where to place my energy this week. But I started to feel a bit numb. Not even the end of the world could snap me out of it.
And then I woke up this morning and sure enough, it wasn't the end of the world. But I did have a strange awareness of the small amount of time we all have when I opened my eyes. I jumped out of my comfy bed!! I don't want to sleep through any of it!!! I want to do only what I want to do, and I want to live it all hard. Nervous, joy, pain, and love: I don't want to be numb to any of these feelings.
Perhaps it was knowing that I have a performance this evening, (That always gets me going!!!) but Sunday reawakened me to that drive that feels like there is some light inside of me that is me and nobody else!
This morning I decided I needed to surround myself with a few reminders to keep me inspired and awake no matter the weather or what the week brings. So I started my day Sunday listening to this really amazing record and then read through binders of poems/clippings I keep. I found this. Perhaps it will be a little spark to those who were considering becoming numb to deal with a bad audition or to deal with the cold rain,...or to help you deal with the end of the world. Life is short!! Be awake for it!! Bring all your being and awareness to your work!!
'A Ritual to Read to Each Other,' by William Stafford
If you don't know the kind of person I am
and I don't know the kind of person you are
a pattern that others made may prevail in the world
and following the wrong god home we may miss our star.
For there is many a small betrayal in the mind,
a shrug that lets the fragile sequence break
sending with shouts the horrible errors of childhood
storming out to play through the broken dyke.
And as elephants parade holding each elephant's tail,
but if one wanders the circus won't find the park,
I call it cruel and maybe the root of all cruelty
to know what occurs but not recognize the fact.
And so I appeal to a voice, to something shadowy,
a remote important region in all who talk:
though we could fool each other, we should consider-
lest the parade of our mutual life get lost in the dark.
for it is important that awake people be awake,
or a breaking line may discourage them back to sleep
the signals we give yes or no, or maybe
should be clear: the darkness around us is deep.
(Photo by Corey Hayes)