Free(lance) Life: Part Three
No matter how many articles I read about how perfectly normal it is to be in a whirlwind of confusion about everything in you life at age 22, I am still slightly terrified by the fact that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WANT. Yes, it’s exciting, but also terrifying.
For now, I think all I can do is keep learning about the various things I am passionate about and hope that they will start to slowly come together in some semblance of a purpose.
Oh, Purpose. Big Word.
A couple of weeks ago, a director I greatly admire offered me the opportunity to assist him on a student production he is directing. I was lucky enough to be in one of his shows right before I graduated and learned volumes about my acting. Additionally, from the productions of his I have seen since then (both student and professional), I know that I am a huge fan of his aesthetic as a director.
Sitting in on rehearsal is both a lesson in acting and directing. I have never really felt the strong need to direct a play, but this process is making me think about it more and more. From an acting perspective, it is really interesting to be able to hear the choices the actors are making and define for myself why I might make a different one were I playing that particular role. It is teaching me to think more specifically about my acting than ever before, that’s for sure.
I am also learning how to talk to actors, and therefore, how to talk to myself, if that makes any sense. Whenever I am working on something alone (i.e. sides, or a monologue for an audition) it's easy to let the super critical little green gremlin inside my brain take over and categorize everything I do into "that sucked" or "that didn't suck."
I have a feeling a director would not end up with very good results if that was the only feedback he or she ever gave their actors. So I am trying to soften that inner monologue and coach myself like a good director rather than a frustrated actor. Just the mindset makes a huge different.
There is one more thing I have to talk about, but I'll save that for next time!
(Image - John Baldessari - The Pencil Story)