Looking Back, Looking Ahead
It's summer! Hooray! I usually take this time to assess and evaluate my career, my team, and what other life things I want to change, fix, or do. I add another year to my age range in August so I like to be able to look back and think Okay! I changed, fixed and did those things I needed to do back when the summer started. Good Job, Lira! Here is what I'm looking over and being proud of, and here's what I'm (not sure I'm) looking forward to:
I shot a pilot to a cute webseries over the weekend where not only did I get to make goofy faces and act silly, (which, I love to do, fyi!) but my costar David H Lawrence, from Heroes and Lost, recognized ME. Me! From a horror film I happened to do with one of his voice over students. 1) What a nice guy to watch that entire film, 2) He said he thought I was very good in it. Well, okay! Thanks David! At the end of the shoot, David went to our director/writer/star of the webseries and told her that he'd love to work more on that project and any others she had. I think it proves what a great job she did when a professional working actor said, hey, I loved this, loved working with your team, and I want to do it again. Did I mention David donated his talents? Awesome guy.
I've also come across a 5 agent workshop audition and I don't know what to do about it's $100 price tag, especially since I don't have a survival job right now. On the one hand, it could create an opportunity that I might not have otherwise, on the other, I'm paying to audition for these agents. The last time I did a workshop, over five years ago, when I was leaving, the guy running it asked me
who my agent was. When I told him I was free agent (sounds better than "oh, I don't have one," I think) he handed me his business card with his agent's number on the back. "I'm going to call her tomorrow morning to tell her about you. You are going to call her in the afternoon." And the next day I had an agent.
So why am I hesitant to do the workshops again? Is it because I'm carefully monitoring my spending? Is it because I hate taking risks? I'm in a great acting class now, and the work I'm doing is getting better and better....so why not show that off to five people I want to know who I am?
I've gotten to that point in my career, or, my ego has been so inflated, that I honestly believe that when I don't get callbacks or bookings, it's not because of my talent or lack thereof; I simply was not what they needed. (And just so you know, this is a great mindset to have! I'll take prideful over low self-esteem for myself anyday!)
What if agents got to see me act before judging whether they needed me on their roster or not?
What if I do need to be humbled a little?
What if that $100 price tag was just another thing I'll look back on as having wasted?
What's a struggling actress to do?