Folding the Costume, Wondering What's Next
My sketch show closed on Friday night and I'm a little sad. I love that show! It was only a three week run this time around, but I've been doing a version of this show off and on for nearly four years. Ah yes, when I compare the pictures of the show from four years ago against the current ones, there are definitely a few more wrinkles around the eyes! And..I kind of have a feeling that this might be it for our little show. There is talk of taking it to the San Francisco comedy festival in late summer/early fall, but we've only raised $45 so far, which may get us one lunch stop on the McDonald's dollar menu. Maybe. And there is always chatter about an interested theatre giving us a permanent home in a prime-time slot (not 11 pm) but it never seems to leave the chatter phase.
I had an acting teacher in my younger years who once shared that the saddest moment of his life was saying goodbye to a character. He must have had a pretty charmed life if that was his saddest moment! Bah, I say to that. But, there is a bit of a parting sadness that can sometimes creep in when I fold that costume one last time and stash it away in my "costume closet." Yes, I really do have an entire closet dedicated to costumes.
Four years. I've been doing this show for four years. And you know what? A lot of my friends still didn't see it! And it isn't due to money, because the show is only ten bucks. Industry people? I think two industry people in four years. And I don't hold that against my friends or my manager or my agent (well, I don't hold it against them for more than a day or two), because this run has taught me that I have to perform for me, not for validation. We've been profiled in the LA Times, written up in LA Weekly, have a solid four stars and ROAR rating on Goldstar and yet...it means everything and nothing. Our audiences have remained about the same or ever so slightly larger over the years. Don't get me wrong, I love compliments just as much as the next actor and I always strive to "take care" of the audience, but ultimately my joy for performing is what's gotta keep me going.
I asked one of my talented comrades what was next on his acting agenda and he said, "Depression." I had to laugh. Me too? I am definitely in the "hmmm...what's next?" phase, which can be exciting and scary all at once. If history repeats itself, at first, I'll love the downtime. That'll last about two weeks, and then I'll hate the downtime and feel like it's been years since I've done anything. Finally, I'll make myself do something exciting and artistic and I'll be glad that I did a few weeks later even though I'll grumble about having no time for myself.
I'm heading to New York this week. I haven't visited in ten years. I remember the first time I got off the train in Time's Square, I just started crying. I think I almost got hit by a cab in my delirious daze. It seemed like the place I was supposed to be, even though I never ended up moving there, and it was so overwhelming and amazing at the same time. I'm hoping that some time with my best friend in the whole world coupled with constant stimulation and new adventures will focus my next few months in Los Angeles. NYC, baby. Brrrrrrr...... YAY!......