Nuthin' You Can Do But Laugh
Every year I have at least one audition with an actor that is so random and so bizarre that there's really nothing I can do but laugh, throw the audition out the window and then share. And I always feel kinda bad for sharing because maybe the actor meant well and didn't know any better, but then I also feel bad that my time was wasted. So...
We all hear stories of actors doing "crazy things," right? And since I rarely witness these unprofessional antics and because I love actors, I assume that the stories are lore and mostly untrue. But just last week a commercial agent I follow on Twitter tweeted two different real-life scenarios that made my mouth drop to the floor. Here's a taste of what he writes on a daily basis about some of his clients:
"Will 2 Fail: "Hey I just woke up in Vegas. I'm not gonna make my callback for Payless." Hey we just woke up and found your drop letter."
"Will 2 Fail: Pouring rain. You know what that means. Excuses from actors POURING in about why they can't make auditions. They may melt."
OMG! Seriously? Who are these actors? And why do I have super talented friends that can't get agents and these yahoos do?
Anyway, back to my story. Thanks to my audition partner today, I got up close and personal with the magic of Post-Its!
I knew I was in trouble when my scene partner didn't care to read the scene with me at any point during our 30 minute wait, but had no problem directing me to allow serveral pauses in the dialogue for his planned emotional moments and the miming of various object. He then suggested I get angry here and sad there in order for him to be able to deliver his lines the way he had practiced. Oh, boy...
But fine. Hey. People are strange and you do what you can to make the best of a less than ideal situation. In this case, I tried the "I need to move my car" tactic. And it wasn't really a lie. Street cleaning was beginning momentarily and I didn't need a ticket. But I was also hoping that my scene partner would be in a hurry and I'd come back to a brand new partner and a new lease on the audition.
No such luck. The scene started with my partner on a treadmill. I gave him a few "moments" to get into his running and then entered the scene. My partner interrupted the scene and asked if I could start over and "mime turning the treadmill off or something so that he had a reason to stop running and say his lines." Friends, I mimed turning off a treadmill from that point forward. Why? I don't know.
But that's not the worst! My partner literally took five minutes to analyze his off-camera points of reference and then proceeded to stick yellow Post-Its on lighting equipment and two different walls, hobbling over the director in the process, so that his focal points would be clear. Is somebody teaching this oddball move in a bad acting class? What a strange, strange audition.
Nothing I can do but laugh. And then, briefly, wonder what the heck I'm doing with my life.