I only have two damn scenes in this damn play. Can someone tell me how it is possible for me to screw up a line two weeks into the run?? Two weeks! And I didn't even know! My thought process at the time was.. I just said my line, I wonder why the other actors are staring at me like I lost my mind..? Which is probably why I went up, because why am I thinking about stupidity like that instead of being in the moment? ARRRGH I'm so mad! And it wasn't even a big hiccup- I'm sure no one noticed. But I noticed! Where was my mind!
All this comes back to pre-game prep. I have my character rituals that I always follow, and when I veer off, I feel myself become disconnected. Then I start to fake it. What an awful feeling that I've finally come far enough to have a clear sense of when I'm faking it but not be able to consistently not fake it.
Hopefully I'll be able to redeem this mess in the second scene. Or at the very least during the second show this evening. We have two days off after it, so I better leave everything I got on those boards.