And I don't mean that in the terms of seeming to never age. I mean in in the terms of: I feel like right now I am in limbo; at some strange, undefinable age.
At mt last agent seminar I once again got the question, "What ages do you usually play?" - complete with the perplexed head tilt, furrowed brow, and slight air of worry that they might be treading on my toes or asking the obvious. And, truthfully, I'm not sure how to answer that. Or if I want to answer that. Or if I have to answer that - I mean, you have eyeballs. What do you think?
What age do I usually play? On stage: mostly older. In commercials: mostly older. On film: about my real age. And what is that exactly? Well I am no older than Charlize Theron, Kate Winslet or Angelina Jolie. How would you classify them?
It's not like I've had a "break-out role" yet, so no matter what I usually do - we can still experiment until we find the sweet spot.
I don't mind playing older - it was fun when it first started happening in college. After all, campuses generally don't have many students in their late 30's or early 40's, so I didn't take it personally. I could adopt that air of the mature sophisticate a la Ruth in Table Manners, or an older recovering alcoholic nun in Penguin Blues (some good monos for guys in that, by the way, especially since the male character is an actor), or Elmire in Tartuffe. But now that I am closer to those appropriate ages... I find those roles (or any, it seems) harder to get. What gives? Am I still too young since now I am in the "real world" where actual 40 year-old actresses are readily available? (But then how come in my late 20's I was asked to play the mother of a 12 year-old for a commercial?) Or am I now too old - since I've a naturally "mature" demeanor on top of also just plain chronologically older, as well? Do I need to shoot for roles that are still 20 years beyond me?
It's all very, very frustrating. Especially when I am trying to get an agent and trying to market myself, as it were. And it breaks my heart when I walk into a room and I feel the agent/CD just look at me blankly - like I am a type heretofore unknown. Completely unclassifiable and therefore useless.
Where do I see myself? Well... an Angelina Jolie or Kate Winslet or Charlize Theron role would be good (ha ha). But I don't have any delusions of grandeur (ok, maybe sometimes). I could be a myriad of characters - wives, mothers, girlfriends, professionals - on any of the NYC shows - Rescue Me (people always think I'm Irish so I think playing an NYC fireman's wife/girlfriend/relative is an easy pick), Ugly Betty (dear lord, how I would love to play an equally catty friend/relative of Becky Newton's character), Damages, Law & Order, etc. But unfortunately when I look into the eyes of these people that I meet... I see myself reflected as a wasteland.
But I'm not. What to do...