Nothing Like A Little Encouragement
I haven't been in the business long enough to be on a first name basis with a significant amount of casting directors. Most of the time, I don't often know if what I thought was a good audition was actually a good audition compared to all the other actors seen for the same role. I've had producer's sessions and then never been called in again for the same show which makes me wonder if I botched it or if casting even remembers who I am a week later.
My current acting teacher says that all auditions are equally unimportant. I couldn't wait to tell him that I thought his class helped me get my most recent producer's audition. When I told him, I must have projected a feeling of "I hope I get it" to which he shrugged and said, "It's just an audition." I was annoyed. I know what he means when he says that all auditions are equally unimportant. He's been in the business long enough to know that one job probably won't change your life and that the focus, rather, should be on showing a consistent body of work in your auditions and letting go of the result.
Try to tell that to the actor that needs to book one more job to meet their health insurance requirement. Or the actor who is dying for their first legitimate credit. Or step up to Guest Star status. Or book their first job with their awesome manager/agent who has been working so hard on their behalf. Or to prove something to their family who thinks their cray-cray.
It is difficult to let go of the result. By sheer numbers, we are not going to book the majority of jobs we audition for. I didn't book the gig from my most recent producer's session, but I did get some feedback that has given me a nice boost of confidence in an otherwise confusing arena. She was great. We really liked her. We will definitely call her in again. I'm not bragging by any means. It's just a nudge in my direction to let me know that I'm doing something right. Whatever misgivings I had about my audition, the replay button I've been hitting for two weeks, the slap-on-my-head-why-did-I-do-that obviously-it-didn't work paranoia is gone. I might get a second chance down the road. And that, for now, is very exciting to me.