Hares & Frogs & My Life As A Dog
I spend a lot of time trying to change my current situation: trying to get representation, better gigs, better auditions, to be better off financially so I can leave my job and be in a better place overall. Push, strain, push.
My brain has a hernia.
Then this week I was suddenly faced with another person's situation which, in one particular way, could be considered worse off than my own. While this person's situation isn't irreversible or permanent - it is a tough spot to be in. And in comparison, I could suddenly see not just the long ladder/road ahead of me that I am constantly trying to claw my way up, but the distance I have come. On my own. And the more secure rung I have my feet planted on.
It wasn't easy and it didn't happen over night. That's for damned sure. Nor did it happen with any major windfalls in terms of gifts or money or big, lucky breaks. Perhaps the biggest "gift" was an offer of a tiny basement bedroom to rent when I moved here (very arachnophobe unfriendly), and pals picking up the bar tab every now and again. And the biggest "lucky breaks" I've got would be this blogging gig and my apartment, which, when I took it on doubled my rent and then I lost my job one month later, but now is starting to pay off because it turns out that it is rent-controlled/stabilized (didn't know that at the time).
I'm not demeaning those gifts or breaks - they helped, A LOT. I am eternally grateful to everyone who every bought me a beer, and glad I stuck with my apartment and chose to make a piece of coal into a diamond instead of just jumping to another lump of dirt.
Anyway, a recent horoscope of mine read:
"You need to scale back your ambitions and believe that everything is happening the way it needs to happen, in the best time frame. Getting comfortable with having less control over where your life is going right now is easier than you think. All you need to do is open your heart and let someone else make the decisions for now."
And I also just watched the film, My Life As a Dog, which is a brilliantly sweet, simple and charming Swedish film about a young mis-fit boy who realizes that his place in life actually isn't so bad.
I seem to be having a very thematic week.
So, maybe it's time to chill a bit. Still make an effort but not lose my marbles over (what feels like) a lack of professional advancement. I'm still here, I'm still trying... when the right groove comes along, I can slip into it.
Time to just relax and breathe and maybe offer a little time and attention to others who are feeling low.