Unscripted - A Blog for Actors - Backstage

Revving Up!

Okay--my personal "scramble" has begun. The next month is prep time for me. Money is in. As in, my mother and I took out a loan, jointly. (That's me & her in the pic to the left--my personal and financial Champion--every actor needs at least one!) Taken out, to help me FUND some things next year so I can focus on thriving instead of simply surviving. This will help give me a rent 'buffer' and put some money toward getting some good body shots done, get in a class again, and mostly have breathing room so I don't have a gigantic panic attack the last week of every month.

I didn't have good enough credit (read: divorce) to take out the loan myself. However, the way we've set it up, I'm already paying towards it every month--kinda like a small car payment--basically I'm buying my credit back, with interest--but at the end of next year I'll be in a better place financially and will be standing on my own two feet again. This gives me peace of mind so I can concentrate on attacking WITH FERVOR my professional "platter". Scoring myself a print-commercial agent is primary. Getting articles published. Power the Pilates schedule into a place where it's humming along nicely, while still allowing me time to get out--while being a mom too. I don't ask for much, huh? (smile)

Yesterday, I typed up a 2 page synopsis of my goals, my accomplishments, and the schedule I want as an instructor (that will reflect consistency & openness for my life as a mother an artist too--CURRENT & FUTURE). Why did I do this? Well--I went in and asked my employers for a raise. I want more. I asked for more than I thought I would get--but that's okay--I'll get there--in the long run. And I DID get a raise with the promise of more to come if I keep up my end! They also expressed interest in having me do some writing for them--and offered help in getting me connected with fitness magazines. Informing them of my interest and talent as a writer helps them and helps me...so branching out in that arena is on the brain. That will strengthen my portfolio & opportunities as a fitness model & writer as well.

(Me & my Cricket to the right.)

"The squeaky wheel gets the oil!" said one of my bosses. Well, you can call me 'Squeaker', in that case. I got some excellent feedback in ways to improve as a teacher too--which reflects in any professional arena and can be applied across the board. So, all good. I have never regretted Pilates as a day job--yes, sometimes it requires more attention than waitressing--but it creates IN ME a whole, healthy, and vibrant woman on the outside--which is simply a reflection of what I'm building on the inside. I believe that works for, not against.

One thing I did say goodbye to this year: theatre. Nope. No can do. For the next five years--my stage career is going in a box. That's one thing I can't juggle as a mother. I'm looking long-term and realizing this is a life I'm building here. I'm starting my third year here in Los Angeles and my short-term goals are commercial, with my long-term goals being theatrical (as in, independent film). All that being said, an open door is an open door--so sometimes you have to see what doors open. You can't plan everything--hell--sometimes I can't even get the dishes done...but you pick your battles.

My to-do list started out a mile long today, but I'm nearing the end of it and I'm not even huffing or puffing. Count the little victories. Oh--and I have an audition next week too...

"Every time life brings you to a crossroads from the tiniest to the most immense--go towards love--not away from fear." --from some random magazine...

Beach party this weekend too! I LOVE California!
--Eve White

I Be Pretty For Fringe

I enjoyed the feminine fuss of a hair salon today, and even bought one of those artistically non-threatening outfits. Why? I'm doing a photoshoot as a Fringe writer for a notable publication that I will not list here until it's all said, done, published, and evidenced by a link.

Please, don't let the anticipation kill you. It'll be out soon.

--Halley Bondy

www.theredheadedman.com

Don't Quit Your Day Job - Ever?

Normally I don't ever think to post a blog that, for me, is just straight-up depressing.  But I heard a bit of news the other day that seemed so contrary to what I have always naively assumed and/or hoped for, that it shocked me.

A friend told me about an interview on Playbill.com with Susan Blackwell, an actress from the new hit Broadway musical, [title of show].  In it she talks about keeping her day job - all through the off-Broadway run of the show and even now, while she is starring on m*therf*cking Broadway.

She goes to her regular job during the day, then stars on Broadway at night. 

WTF?

I know.  I know.  Look, she obviously is ok with it and very sensible - she knows this is just one show and it probably will not last forever (or even a fraction as long as Cats or Phtantom did), but still...

I want to live vicariously through her success and imagine her/me getting the news of the Broadway run, then doing a grand jete into her/my boss' office to deliver her/my two-week's notice (if she/me is kind - otherwise she/me delivers the news then grand jetes back out and into the sun-shiny day full of hope and promise, never to return to said office again).   

But now I picture her/me forever chained to a desk despite our successes, only to be released in the evenings to go to our other jobs... then re-shackling ourselves to the desk the next morning.  Work, work, work.

Please say it doesn't have to be this way.  Fantasy is much more thrilling than reality.  (Where is my invisible jet?)

I know it only matters if we are not ok with it.  If she was not ok with it then I'm sure she'd make a different choice.  I know this.  But, why can't there be a universal law that once you reach a certain point, you never have to file stuff or answer phones for other people, ever again?

My fingers are crossed so, sooo tightly...

--Susan Atwood

I'm a Carnivoristic Vegan : NEW AGENT!

Ah, home at last.  Just finished up the last week in a four-week ongoing camera course I've been in for awhile, with this fabulous director/coach.  Let me tell ya, though -- once you start letting in Gucci-toting Ford models with absolutely no training into an advanced scene study class, you know something is going downhill.  Damn the economy.

But I digress.

I had a FABULOUS week in terms of on-the-team Fabulous-Manager / potentially new Awesome Agent meetings.  I had blogged a touch before about the possibility of a new individual taking me on as a developmental client to supplement my Fabulous Manager's presence.  I met with her for a formal Maybe-Client Meeting last week, and we totally clicked -- she's aggressive, on the ball, smart as a whip, and calculating.  I felt myself around her, though I was still a bit more demure then I would be around Fabulous Manager, as that relationship is far more secure.  I'm quite eccentric and off-the-wall in real around-comfortable-people life, thus I try to feel out situations and choose a "side" of myself to play in each one of them, like most actors or super ambitious people do.

So that was good.  Being [a slightly diluted for-the-sake-of-professionalism] version of myself.

At the end of the meeting, she took my reel and promised to watch it by the end of the week.  I don't hear anything Thursday -- and Fabulous Manager calls to check in.  "Have you heard?".  Nope.  Friday rolls around.  I get a call at 10:24 in the morning from chipper-than-ever Fabulous Manager.  She liked me.  "Loved" me, said Fabulous Manager.  She enjoyed my reel.  She thought I was ready.  She wanted to move forward.

I was thrilled.  So for the very first time this week, Fabulous Manager asks me if I want to meet up for drinks.  We ended up settling on The Spotted Pig as our locale -- and even though it was insanely crowded and loud and relatively obnoxious, Fabulous Manager and I talked and got to know each other on a more personal level -- she's into Sci Fi (who knew?) and so am I... we both love criminal psychology ... it went great.

And after we both departed in our separate directions, I got about halfway down Perry Street before I realized that I simply MUST HAVE A SPOTTED PIG HAMBURGER OR I WOULD DIE... and ended up trotting back, ordering one, and sitting at the bar for the next two hours post making friends with two lively Hedge Fund guys who were terribly interested in my carnivorism and acting experience.

So this Friday, I go back to meet the Awesome New agent, hand over a massive stack of headshots, and formally sign.  I'm super excited.  And earlier on in the day, I have a BUTT-KICKING audition for Lipstick Jungle, too.

Is the chocolate-cake / wine-drinking / damn-the-slow industry slump over?  Oh, I hope so!  Vegan food, here I come!

Totally just kidding about the Vegan, Ashley Avis

Gone Fishin'

In just an hour or so, I will officially be on vacation!  I'm finally, at long last, putting this passport of mine to good use.  Where am I going, you ask?  Oh, just a little place called the Caribbean--the island of Caicos to be exact.  It's six miles long, 14,000 people live there year round, I'm learning how to scuba dive, trying conch chowder, and just soaking up the sun in my ridiculous new Jackie O style sunglasses that take up half my face.  Jealous?  Don't be!  I've never been out of the country!  This is a big ol' milestone in my world.  I know, it's not backpacking across Europe or walking the Great Wall of China, but it's a start and most importantly it will be relaxing.

My boyfriend and I decided to get out of dodge while we could.  If, God forbid, there is an actor's strike I will not be able to take any time off work.  In fact, employees would be actively recruited to help me award grants to actors (currently a one WOman job).  So...I'm taking advantage of the continued strike ambiguity while bracing for a potential storm.  Which reminds me, I want to speak to "general opinion" regarding the economy and the possible actor's strike.  I can't tell you how many times I have heard and read the words, "This just isn't the time for an actors strike--not in this economy."  Or versions of that.  Nobody wants a strike and I would argue that there is never a "good" time to strike.  No doubt an actors strike would be devastating and many entertainment professionals are still struggling to recover from the writer's strike.  Still, if you read and have kept up with the debate--well, the facts, I should say--you would know that the actor's fight is a just fight.  The crappy economy is not the fault of the actors.  Can you think of any other profession where basic rights and compensation are so easily poo-pooed by the general public?  I can't.  SAG is negotiating for a fair contract so that you and I can maybe make a decent living someday.  Maybe.  This is not a selfish cause and the Guild is not the bad guy.  I can only hope that if a referendum is sent to the membership, each actor will think about the future of their profession rather than the immediate relief avoiding a strike may bring to their career.

On a much lighter note, when I return from my trip I have a show to do!  It won't be all play this week as I do need to learn some lines.  I have a weekend sketch compilation to perfect for an audience, a three camera set-up for future pitches and perhaps an industry guest or two!  More on that when I get back, but it's gonna be a blast!

Anybody else watching shark week on the Discovery channel?  Umm..perhaps I should have watched it when I got back from the Caribbean.  I'm a little tweaked.  So, I guess if you don't hear from me, chalk it up to a great white (or, as in photo above, a whale).  EEEk!

--Stacey Jackson   

The Grand Opening Tah Daaah!

It's been a very exciting week over here at my day job with the SAG Foundation.  As Nicole Butler mentioned in her last blog, the Actors Center is open for business and it is beeeeautiful!

What, you ask, is the Actors Center?  It's a place for actors to meet, hang out, talk shop, read the trades, take acting classes and see movies or a celebrity Q&A in a brand new screening room.  There's a library, a lounge and computers with software to edit your demo reels or fine tune your resume!  Don't know how to edit your reel?  We're gonna offer classes so you can acquire the necessary tools.  Best of all, it's absolutely free to card carrying actors of all unions.  Whoever said nothing in life is free hasn't seen this gorgeous facility...or met my amazing executive director--an actor herself at one time, who envisioned this center for professional actors more than two years ago.  It's been a dream come true for many of us in the office and we've spent the week smiling and unveiling in a series of  catered receptions to donors and board members and publicists.  Now, it's your turn.  Grab a buddy and check it out at our open house, which lasts for one more day (July 31st) between the hours of 10 am and 4 pm.  After this week, you'll have to wait until mid August for the center to officially open for business.  It is our hope that many of you will use it.  And I promise you, the center will meet and surpass your expectations.

Want more information?  Just click on the link above.

Ahhhh...I love my day job.  I feel like I'm surrounded by actory goodness morning till night in all that I do.

--Stacey Jackson

Ummm Duh

The other day I went to an audition... Part of the pre-audition-appointment instructions were, and I quote... "Mark on pix if have strong tv/film experience."

Isn't this what is on our resumes?

And what were they looking for as far as actors for this commercial?
"Good actors."

Good ones, huh? Weird. Most are looking for people with no talent. Seriously, is anyone out there looking for "bad" actors for their project or commercial?  Really shitty, no talent hacks, that are a pain to work with, and have no presence at all?

Top it all off, after our agents pitched us, showing we had STRONG TV/FILM EXPERIENCE, and after they vouched that we were "good actors." All we did in the room in front of the camera was appear awkward, like "bad actors."

Yup.

But, how can one not be thankful for the opportunity... To suck on camera and possibly get paid for it.

-- Quiche Me ~ Tom Kiesche

My New Walmart Commercial Is Online!

I like to start my day by watching "The View" when possible - yesterday I watched the whole show except for the one time I got up to get something from my purse. Right after that I started getting text messages and emails from people telling me that they saw my new Walmart commercial. Dang! I missed it.

So today I watched "The View" and did not move. Unfortunately I didn't see the commercial, and I couldn't sit on the couch all day hoping to catch it, so I Googled it, and lo and behold... I FOUND IT! Click HERE to see it!

I'm very happy with the way it turned out.

Now I have to get out of here. Lots of things to do today - I have some personal errands to run, and I want to get over to the SAG Foundation Open House. I need to return a call to a writer-friend of mine who has a play going up at the end of August. Someone had to back out, so he is trying to find a last-minute replacement, and the audition requires singing, so I need to pick up music to learn. Yes, that was a huge run-on sentence, but I really gotta go or I'm not gonna get anything done today.

More l8r.

--Nicole J. Butler

Is This What "Jaded" Looks Like?

We had an earthquake today: 5.4 on the richter scale, and lasted 15 seconds. It made my heart beat faster, but once it stopped I was over it. It was all over the news for hours, they were interviewing local people, asking "What did you feel?" And I was thinking "Didn't we all pretty much feel the same thing?" The epicenter was in Chino Hills, about 50 miles away
from where I was at the time, and I was concerned for the people there, but that's not who I was seeing on the news. I was seeing people who live and work 10-20 miles away from me. Next.

The first earthquake I ever experienced was about 8 months after I moved to L.A. I don't know what I was dreaming about, but the shaking bed woke me up laughing - until I realized what was going on, then I jumped out of bed, and leaned up against my bookcase so it wouldn't fall over. Dumb-de-dumb-dumb. Now I know better than THAT, but unless stuff is falling over action-movie style, I no longer go freaking out over tremors.

As Eve White mentioned in her blog, the best thing to do is stay off the phone if at all possible, or make a brief phone call to let your loved ones know that you are okay, then get off the phone. Going forward I know better, but this time, I honestly didn't even think about it. The FIRST thing I did was grab my cell phone - I couldn't get any calls to go through, so I got on my home phone and it worked just fine. I just assumed that the towers were knocked a bit askew, and it never even dawned on me that the lines were tied up because of people calling for help because I didn't see any evidence of damage.

August 24th will mark the anniversary of my tenth year in Los Angeles, and now that earthquakes, to me, have become as 'normal' as tornado warnings in Chicago, I guess I can finally consider this "home".

--Nicole J. Butler

P.S. - Sorry Eve. I'll be more mindful next time. Promise.

Count It Don't Cash It

Today, a clear cut win, which may or may not lead to any financial or further career gains...

For the first time in my career, at least that I can recall, TV show that I have yet to work on, called inquiring about my availability 5 to 6 weeks from now. I know "Stars" and "Names" get these sort of calls, this far out, all the time, but I don't... Not yet anyway.

It could be nothing, and it could lead to something...

The facts are these: I've been in to producers for Guest Roles on that particular show about 10 times. I've always felt like I've given them an audition that put me in the running. But I never booked... Not there. The last time I went in, I felt like, not only did I put myself in the running, but I KNOCKED THEM ON THEIR ASSES.

However, I didn't get the job, nor have I been back in for any more producer sessions since. The thought had crossed my mind recently that maybe I went "too far" in the room, maybe I got "too angry" or seemed that I, the actor, could go off like my character did. Over analyzing like so many of us do.

Now, here it is, 4 to 6 weeks later, and someone from the show is asking a Casting Associate to  call my agent and find out my availability? They could be asking about a few actors. They could be considering "Names." Again, it could be something, it could be nothing... But I have to celebrate the victory... The "win" of having my name come up.

Trust me, the day when I'm being considered for roles based on past auditions and performances... Is a day I've been looking forward to. It's what being a "Name" is all about.

"Remember that guy... He'd be perfect..."
"What about so and so, you know from such and such..."
"What about Tom Kiesche?"

What about Tom Kiesche... Well, as Tom Kiesche, I'm counting this one...

And to answer the question, yes, at this current time, I can make myself available for that period of time... But, who knows what else may come in, in the meantime.

Other answers of the day... Earthquake: Shakey shakey... All O-Cakey. And it still looks good, for me, going back to BREAKING BAD in August.

-- Hey, What About Quiche ~ Tom Kiesche

It's a Small World After All

My agent and I went to a set over the weekend to visit his client/my friend.  It was refreshing to see a group of actors sharing a good ole honey-wagon, a team of people working together harmoniously on a production that was actually organized, efficient, and drama-free.  Everyone we met was cool and grounded.  It was great to catch up with the punk, as well as another actor I worked with recently, and a makeup artist I worked with a couple years ago.  Small world.

I went to this audition yesterday and one of the producers asked me about one of my credits.  "How was it?"  she asked.  I said, "It was awesome."  But I guess I just couldn't disguise my feelings in my delivery so she laughed and said, "Yeah, I heard.  My friend was one of the producers." 

Ooops. 

I tried to recover with, "No, seriously.  It was great.  Great experience.  Seriously.  Great."  You probably can't tell from reading my blog, but sometimes I can come across ever-so-slightly sarcastic.  I know it's shocking.  But for some reason, I've been told more than once by people sort of close to me that they often can't tell if I am being serious or completely fucking with them.  It's a curse.  And a gift.  Depending on the situation.  I guess. 

Anyway, it's probably a good lesson to learn and one that I've been told before and apparently forgot.  When asked about any work experience, just say as genuinely as possible that "It was great" and everyone you worked with was "great." 

"Great" is not as extreme as "Awesome," yet better than just "Good."  Say it quickly.  Say it smoothly.  No pauses or hesitations or beats.  Smile as warmly as you can and nod your head twice.  If need be, LIE.  It's good business.  Sorry, but the truth is, honesty is not always the best policy.  You never know who knows whom, and it really is a small world.  Probably a good idea not to offend anyone if you'd like to work again.  Remember:  Other people might be just as sensitive and egotistical as we are.

Let's see...what else, what else....I don't know.  Hubs is gearing up for a short tour.  He played the Nassau Coliseum over the weekend where I was amongst a bunch of freaky teenagers with huge holes in their earlobes baring lots of skin.  That was shitloads of fun.  I've had musicians coming in and out of my home, recording, sleeping over, eating all my food and drinking all my booze.  It's been too hot for me to go jogging, so I've got to get back on that again.  I'm trying to steal away some one-on-one QT before he hits the road and hopefully, dare I say, finish my screenplay while he's gone.

--Ming Ming

5.8

When an earthquake happens--like one did almost 40 minutes ago--
PLEASE STAY THE FRACK OFF YOUR PHONE UNLESS YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO CALL 911.
And if you must (like I tried) call your child's preschool or family members--KEEP IT BRIEF, PEOPLE. Like 30 seconds or less. My mom called me and I kept the conversation down to 15 seconds and hung up--"yes, I'm fine, yes it was scary--gotta get to the preschool--call you later, thanks. BYE."   

I cannot believe how many people I saw yakking about this ON AND ON FRIVOLOUSLY WHILE PEOPLE ARE ATTEMPTING TO CONTACT LOVED ONES and I quote one young guy, "dude--this unbelieveable earthquake we just had dude!" Selfish fracking bastard. Get off your phone you jackass. I got in my car and drove to the preschool because I couldn't make a call to check on her.

For a Midwesterner who has only felt one, brief, shove of an earthquake--this was pretty scary. Especially since my daughter was another town over. People are chillin on their cellphones while mothers can't reach their children. Not okay. A telemarketer managed to get through to me--but I couldn't get through to my daughter's preschool. WHAT!? NO-NO---AND NO! Don't be a selfish, insensitive prick--stay off the phones and the roads unless you are actively trying to pick up a relative, get to the hospital, or make an emergency call.

It felt like walking on water. Not placid water--it felt like standing on top of an ocean with a rip-tide underneath. Rolling, not rocking, to be exact. It felt like the earth was rolling, in waves. For the record--my daughter is fine, but my cat is NOT. My kitten has practically attached itself to my body and every hair (still) is up in the air. To quote Maggie Gyllenhaal's character in The Dark Knight:

"Let's not do that again."

--Eve White

They Are Watching You

Last Sunday - though I wasn't there - the indie film I shot in the spring premiered at the Jersey Shore Film Festival.  This is sort of like my very first film festival!  (A short I did years ago toured many festivals - but we didn't know about them, really, and my role was much tinier - not that it is particularly huge in this film.)

It's exciting, but weird.   I remember in college, when I was performing on stage with surprising and much-missed regularity, it was fairly common to be approached a couple times a semester and be complimented or questioned about a past performance.  And the misty, water-coloured memory of whatever show or performance (probably just the show and not a specific performance - unless something remarkable had happened, like, say, the time I broke the dinner table on stage during the climax of one farce) would drift back to me in a beautiful haze and my work - in my mind's eye - could be as wonderful as my memory wished it to be.

On film, however... 

Not that I get approached anymore... but sometimes a friend will visit my YouTube page and then comment on a particular video.  And there is no pleasant fog (it's sad there is no video of that sketch online - but hilarious that the transcript is) to obscure my recollection of the pieces that get filmed: they are archived and will forever remain the same, with every viewing, whether I like it or not.

I'm pleased to say that there are no pieces in my possession that I am horrified by (I never did get a copy of that terrifying and degradingly awful SVA sketch)... but there is always the one or two with bad wardrobe, or make-up, or hair, or just a sub-par line delivery that in immediate hindsight I wished I could have done differently.  And this piece, Open School Night, that is now at the film festival, just might be one of those pieces.  From what I have glimpsed of my scene that was added to the trailer (which is pretty cool - to be one of the few selected as part of the trailer to advertise the piece), I worry that watching myself in this film will be the visual equivalent of nails on a chalkboard for me.  It was so, so late at night... I was so, so tired, and my weary eyes and brain were responsible for my own hair and make-up... and my character is so, so nutty... 

I worry that maybe I went too far or perhaps not far enough, as an actress? 

Guess I'll find out. 

I plan on attending this Thursday's screening and I'm looking forward to it.  Although... I'm also a little bit scared.

--Susan Atwood

Pictured: Graffiti in my shower in Maine.

I.D. Check

Back in 1999 - and I believe still - an optional portion of the Vassar College admissions application was entitled "YourSpace." (Predating and not to be confused with Rupert Murdoch's Evil Empire.)  In this section, you could do whatever your heart's desire to tell Admissions a little more about you, in any format: audio tapes of original music, samples of artwork, published writing, etc. 

Although I sought a school with a good theater program, I wanted to apply and be accepted on academic merit and not acting (see my various musings on occupational self-hatred), so I was not about to submit video of a performance or monologue.  Instead, I made lists.  (I love lists.) I submitted a piece of paper that had many lists on it, all of which defined me in some way or another.  The lists were headed with things like:

I enjoy...
I have traveled to....
I am...

That last one now is of special interest to me.  The full title of that section was "I am (in this order)..." and, if memories serves, I wrote:

A human
An actor
A female

...and so on. 

The placement of "female" in a list like this is something that I struggled with then, and struggle with now personally and professionally. 

As I've mentioned here before, gradually over the course of the last 8 years, I've lost a sizable amount of weight.  But before that, growing up, I felt enough shame about my body and my appearance that somewhere along the way I de-gendered myself.  I often played men in my high school theater program, took a strong interest in the male-dominated improv world in college, and generally wound up auditioning for roles that were androgynous and void of sexuality.  (Like, say, a small gay superhero side kick named Twink Turner) When occasionally I could not avoid these situations, as my senior thesis adviser will attest, my performance of  feminine power or sexuality almost without exception manifested as anger and aggression.

Though after the weight loss and a few years of therapy and meditation I've come a long way, I still find it near impossible to hit 'submit' when the audition breakdown includes words like "beautiful," or "sexy."  I usually leave those for someone else and seek out "smart, wisecracking best friend."  Sadly, I can't deny I've thought to myself I'd leave the other auditions for those who were more "feminine" than I.

I think a big part of this is not just a slowly healing ego, but the challenge of figuring out what it means to be a woman - in general, but particularly in the entertainment industry.  As a woman in Western culture, I'm bombarded on a regular basis with images of "femininity."  And no matter how much things like Cosmo, commercial media, or the consumerist aesthetic of shows like Sex in the City disgust me on an intellectual level, subconsciously I can't help but feel the twinge of inadequacy.  It's like 'sexy' has an unyielding and permanently unattainable definition - but damn it we better buy enough products to strive for it.

What does it actually mean to be a woman?  Am I an actor first, and then a woman? Does my femininity precede my humanity, or vice-versa?  And what the hell is that femininity?  Whose aesthetic is judging when an audition notice says "sexy"..."model type"..."striking"?  I really don't have answers for these.  I know how to be funny.  I know how to be smart. I know how to be self-effacing for good theater's sake, but you got me when it comes to how to "act like a woman."

As I've said, my current show, The Boy in the Basement, is a satirical send-up of the trashy romance novel genre.  As such, each of the women in the show humorously embodies a different archetype of female sexuality: there is the pure, sweet virgin, the hippie love child, the dominatrix... and then there's me... I'm easily defined as the dry-witted smart-ass (don't be shocked), but figuring out where "sexy" falls into that is a serious challenge for me.  It's there in the text - on the first page Clarissa is referred to as the "most sought after woman on campus" - the issue isn't in the writing, it's my ability to construct that identity where I'm struggling.  I know Legos, Calculus, S.I. Hiyakawa's theories of Linguistics, "yes-and" and the Red Sox - but somehow I missed What Defines a Woman 101. 

I'll be honest, I started this post with the full intention of making some great, thought-provoking point about women and identity and the competition we all face as females in this business.... but after writing all day at work and most of my only night off (so much for sending out those postcards and the mass email...) I've found myself at a bumbling loss.  I don't have any answers and I'm not convinced I know exactly what my questions are.  I would be curious to hear thoughts of other women - and men as well - who struggle with their particular identities.

For now I guess it's back to learning lines and praying some how I wake up and know what it means to 'be a woman...'

--Lynne Rosenberg

Cowboy Up

A while back, over coffee or lunch, I had a conversation with a friend. He and another friend were wanting to shoot a western... The guy I knew wanted to direct one, and had a location that could maybe be used... And the guy I didn't know, wanted to play a specific type character that he had up until that time never had the chance to play, and he had some wardrobe... Well, add in Tom Kiesche, and a script was eventually born. Written, considering all the limitations, and all the strengths we collectively had.

My part of the deal was writing credit, acting credit (who doesn't want to be in a western), and if I'd be helping produce, producing credit. A third actor was added to round out the cast, and to add other dimensions... A western "adviser."

A D.P. was added , one that wanted western footage for his reel. A producer was added, one that wanted to add another producer credit to her resume. A photographer was added on the day, one that wanted stills and production photographer credit. And a grip/boom op, that wanted some film experience was also added. And there you have it... A not-so-instant film crew.

My "day" started much earlier that week, looking through my prop boxes, my wardrobe rack, thrift shops and toy stores... Staining clothing and blankets, and organizing my production stuff. But really I suppose my actual day started at 7AM when I left my house, bought some ice, grabbed a coffee, and headed to set to unload and prep.

I met the other actors for the first time, writing based on a description, and later pictures... I met the DP for the first time, as well as the other producer... Basically, before the day, I only knew the director/producer...

By 10 we were rolling tape... The morning was figuring out blocking. Some reworking. Wardrobe. Fixing the set. Setting the lights. Helping set up food.

At lunch, at 2:30, there was a discovery that the sound wasn't being input as clearly as it could be, but since we were already behind, we decided to push on. 1/3 of the script was already shot, and some of us had been going for 7 1/2 hours. Though technically WE all started at 9AM.

Four of us continued past 9PM... Rolling tape till 11PM.

And when my friend and I were finished loading, and cleaning up the food and taking out the trash, it was just about to strike midnight.  By the time I got home and unloaded there, 1AM. Crazy long day...

Hopefully what was captured works...
Hopefully, the sound issue, really isn't a sound issue...

There are a few people that are considering editing it... I may if they ALL don't work out, including my director friend... But it seems that there are a lot of people looking to showcase talents with this particular project... So why not an editor? Right? Right? Besides, I really don't wanna.

As far as the creative work goes... I was very happy with the writing... The other actors became more and more confident with the words and story as we rehearsed before 10AM. The started by liking it, and then before we started shooting, really liking it. Questions they had all got answered, and seemed to make perfect sense.

As an actor, I was happy with several moments... There were a few where the director gave suggestions for alternatives, and they felt like they worked too. Plus the other actors were fun to bounce ideas and choices off of.

Shooting 6 pages, in a new space, with a new group is an ambitious day... Maybe, had there been more time, I would have taken a few more takes with different risks... But again, I'm pretty happy with my performance. Now, whether or not it got captured the same way, or will come across the way it felt, I've no idea.

Today I would have liked to have slept all day, but two auditions and a class are keeping me up and going... But I'm really happy to have this project behind me. For what ever reason it had been stressing me out for a while.

-- I'll Quiche Well Tonight ~ Tom Kiesche

Welcome to Los Angeles

Last night I had dinner with a young man who is moving from Chicago to Los Angeles to pursue the dream in September--not unlike I did nearly four years ago.  An old college buddy connected us and we talked shop at Jerry's Famous Deli over some delicious matzo ball soup (which, if you're unfamiliar with the original Jerry's, is part of a bowling alley.  Rad.)  Mostly I just listened and offered advice and caution on a variety of topics.

Luckily, this actor wasn't clueless.  In fact, I dare say he was more prepared and better informed than I was when I made the great leap.  He had excellent headshots, a solid demo reel, strong training and a resume that boasted many excellent film and theatre projects.  Certainly he is ahead of the game.  All of these tools help when moving to a major market city like Los Angeles, London or New York and are eventually necessary to building a career.  Still, they aren't a hard and fast requirement and if credits or a SAG card are keeping you from moving to a bigger city you may never get there!

I remember desperately wanting my SAG card before coming to Los Angeles.  Everybody said I needed it and that I couldn't get work without it.  They told me not to go west until I had a demo reel.  You know what I say to that?  Pfffffff  I came out with horrible black and white headshots, no film experience, no SAG card, no demo and no connections.  But I had a will to succeed and endless passion, and so does this young man.  I think it will work out for him, but not as quickly as he thinks it will.  Building a career takes time.  So does starting over.  But I like his style.

Ultimately, we both made the leap of faith for the exact same reason:  the possibility of making a living at our passion.  Unlike my colleagues in Chicago who often work numerous jobs to make ends meet in order to keep acting, I know many people and have many friends that are making a living at acting in Los Angeles.  I know it's attainable even if I'm not there yet.   That, to me, is incredibly inspiring.  Acting is an art, but that doesn't mean we should spend our lives giving it up for free.

Ultimately, Los Angeles or New York City isn't for everyone and there is absolutely no shame in being a big fish in a smaller market.  In fact, it's probably a much more fulfilling existence.  But I didn't want to live with a "what if" for the rest of my life. 

I have another young man that I'm taking under my wing next month.  I promise I'm not a cougar!  And basically, I will always be there for them and anyone else, really, who wants advice or has a question or just needs a friend.  I could've used that when I made the move.  Whoever said everybody in Los Angeles was fake and tan and vapid has never met 99.9% of the people I know here.  If you can help someone, do it.  We're all in this together.

(Above, the view of Los Angeles from my apartment)

--Stacey Jackson   

 

Can You Can-Can Like I Can?

Man. It's Monday and I've hit a wall. A finanacial stop sign. HOWEVER.
I'm looking at that wall and figuring out a way to:

A. Scale it.
B. Go around it
OR
C. Blow it the fuck up.

It's Monday. I already said that, huh?  While the last two posts I've written involve me planning out my next steps--I'm broke. Not poor--just broke. So many of the avenues I want to pursue--other than mailing things--and THAT works only until I run out of stamps--involve money.

So, what CAN I do without spending money? 
Maybe this post will help other artists' looking for easy-on-the-wallet-ideas...

1. PHONE CALLS to magazines & agents (though I need to watch the daytime cell minutes I burn).
    A. Agents--see if they are taking meetings.
    B. Casting Offices--see if I can sked a general.
    C. Magazines--see if they take on new freelance writers.
    D. Lululemon--see if the Glendale branch is hiring temporary help--at least if it's retail I could get a                         discount on workout wear. They're stuff is HOT--and not cheap.

Drop-offs are OUT right now (I'm hoping to make my current gas-tank-full last until the end of the week (or longer) getting me to work and back and my daughter to school.

Getting my reel up on Actor's Access is OUT for another week or so--$50 just to get the first clip up. Shit. 

Booking time with a photographer is OUT right now--and to be honest I'm not super thrilled about shooting with anyone else. When my gut tells me to go with someone, I listen. So, for right now--that's on HOLD.

2. MAILINGS (Which I continue to do until I run out of stamps...)
    A. Right now my focus is solely on print/commercial agents. I'm not doing a huge mailing either
    B. Just picking 5 agencies for this next 6-12 week period--and sending all sorts of stuff.

3. Researching so-called FREE WORKSHOPS. (Will update on this one later--still in early stages.)
    A. Are they worth the time & gas money getting there?
    B. What is offered in the way of curriculum and/or exposure to what offices?
    C. It has to be FREE. Or no go.

4. Research other actors' websites.
    A. What are they doing differently?
    B. Who are they repped by?
    C. Who took their shots?
    D. Possibly call them up and ask them about the above?
    E. Who did their site?
    F. What does their resume say about them?

So...right now, while it's easy to feel trapped without a surplus of cashflow, I'm not letting it set be behind the 8-ball. I'm doing what I CAN do. Knowing, this too, shall pass. At some point the green will flow back in--even if I have to resort to retail--sigh. 

I'm also looking at ways to better market my time as a Pilates Instructor, while still having enough time for my daughter. I didn't think through the fact that Pilates Instructors work when other people don't (namely, evenings & weekends). This summer has also proven slow. So, again--I can-can.

What CAN I do as an Instructor to boost my client base, create more consistency, and feel fresh in my teaching repertoire?

Well, I CAN (and have) scheduled a meeting with my bosses at my primary studio and discuss a gameplan: workshops to increase my skillsets, future schedule opportunities, and the possibility of a raise. After all--six months ago I had my FIRST PAYING CLIENT and now I work about as much as the teachers who have been there 5+ years--so that says something. It says I work hard and stay sharp. So, I have an appointment with them on Wednesday (that I initiated) to set up 'better earning potential' for myself. What have I learned this year: no one is going to do it for you. If you want it--stand up and either A. Take it or B. Ask for it. (Which, is the polite way of taking it.)

And the worst they can say, is "not right now"--which is what "NO", really means.

Kitty update--less than 24 hours after adopting my kitties, the orange one died--in transit to the animal hospital. Now, almost a week later the other kitty is fighting off a monster upper respiratory infection. Took it to the vet 2 days ago--he's a little trooper--but I am concerned. Today, lost interest in eating and less playful by far. Might have to run it back in tomorrow if things don't pick up fast. Disheartening, but I'm not giving up in my belief that this kitty has what it takes to survive.

And so do I.

--Eve White 

Trippin' on Broadway

Opening night was exciting and fun and definitely a success, but let’s keep in mind that it was the first time all of us had gone through the whole show start to finish without stopping.  This last week of performances have been about growing and learning, and fixing mistakes…and for me, trying not to trip! 

I’ll admit it, I can be extremely awkward in speech and in physical control over my body, especially when I’m nervous.  One of the first things you need to learn how to do in a Broadway show is how to get to the right spot at the right time without tripping and stumbling and without running into someone else.  It seems like it should be easy, but its not.  At least,  it’s not easy for this girl.  (pointing to myself)   I can’t even count how many times I have tripped onstage this week.  I also hit myself in the face really hard during the Totally Fucked choreography.  Ouch!!  However, I think I did a good job of not being too noticeable because most of the trippin’ was in the dark during transitions. 

One moment in particular was totally trippin’ me up.  There’s a scene in Act Two where all the girls move to the center of the stage to read a letter.  We have a music cue for when to leave for our spots, but we were never really getting there at the right time.  Then, when the scene is over, I have to make my way in the dark all the way downstage to my chair.  I look and feel like a blind person.  I’ve caught myself actually lifting my hands out in front of me and searching around for the chair so as to not run into anything or sit in the wrong chair.  (In the put-in rehearsal I ended up sitting in an audience chair.  Hope I don’t I sit on you if you’re onstage audience member!!  If I do, you can just shove me over!! hehe) 

Finding my chair has been getting easier as I practice and get more used to the stage, but getting to my place at the beginning of the scene was getting worse and worse.   I couldn’t figure out if I was late or making the wrong traffic pattern, but I was barely making it to my place every night.  So frustrating!!

Thursday came around and I was focused and determined.  Act Two began, and I was on the edge of my seat waiting for that transition.  I had plans to plow right through to my spot and be there on time! Lights down, music up and I was off!!  I cut through the dark like some minnow slicing through ice cold murky waters!! Zooooooom and ……..POW!  “Whoa, what was that?  Omigod!!  I just ran into Martha!!  What’s going on?  Where am I?!?”  And now the lights come up and I’m really not in the right spot.  “SH*T, F*CK, SH*T!!”  I quickly adjust and we begin the scene.  The scene goes well, despite the collision, but as we exit the scene, one of the other actors whispers to me, “mic cord.” 

Mic cord?  I figure she must mean my microphone chord was sticking up out of my hair or costume.  So I smooth out my hair and make sure everything is tucked in and covered.  Then the lights come up for the last song of the show and I realize she wasn’t talking about MY mic cord, she was talking about the microphone chord sprawled out on the front of the stage!  It’s my job after one of the songs in Act II to wind up the mic chord and tuck it under my chair so it’s not all over the stage. I had been so worried about that letter scene I forgot about the mic chord completely!  Luckily nobody trips over it and everyone just pretends it’s not there, but I feel like a fool! 

I guess looking back it doesn’t seem like too big of deal. (I mean, it’s only Broadway, and it’s only the most important show of my life thus far.)   Some good things did come out of my slip ups on Thursday.  We all really talked about that letter scene and we’re able to make the next night work much better.  By our shows on Saturday, we were making it to the right spot beautifully in time with the lights and music. Plus, part of the fun of live theatre is how it changes, grows, and gets better and you never know what might happen, what mistakes might be made, and how you will need to adjust.  However, I can still feel all my senses become hyper aware the moment before that letter scene.  Eeekk!!  It’s soo exciting and scary and wonderful!

Conclusion:  Week two should be much less clumsy on my part.  I don’t do drugs, but I know enough to know that “Trippin’” belongs at cabin parties and not on a Broadway stage!!   

-- Emily Kinney

Woefully Unprolific

As Halley has been dramatically more regular than I have with her posts, I thought in the interim while I'm drafting my latest musings, I would put up some shameless promotion for our show: our postcard, and some pictures from a recent photo shoot.
With every passing rehearsal I'm getting more and more excited, which is pretty astoundingly excited when you consider I was already beside myself when we had our first read-through.
Anyway, here they are. In case it's not plainly obvious, the show is a satirical look at the trashy romance novel idiom; so yes, that picture of me in the pink is supposed to look that  tritely wistful, and exists in full self awareness as such.  Enjoy!

Stands With A Fist--Full Of Dollars?

Right now, I'm elbow-deep in cover letters, postcards, and firmly handling a few annoying situations all the while RENT looms in the next four days (I'm not talking the hit musical, either) and I'm about HALF short with bills on top. Shitters. Yet, I am determined NOT to go back to waitressing--did it through high school, college, and half of last year. I've paid my 'dues' in retail too. And while I can sell a pregnancy pillow to an 80-year-old man, NO. I've done other peoples' laundry, sewed their breaks, cleaned up their crap, rubbed their shoulders, changed all the diapers I want to, and I don't want to go back to any of that.  Especially diapers. I think one child is enough. Non-sequitur, sorry, but a realization of late. When she hits college I'm selling all my worldly possessions and traveling like a gypsy. Ecuador, Belize, Prague, Scotland, Paris, and Rome...but if nothing else...Mexico. I'm dying to escape over the border. A bikini (or not), a beach, and a man...to appreciate them both, yeah? And...escapist tangent, sorry.

Anyway--back to my point--SOOOO done with feeling like a doormat. Standards have risen--treat me well or go to hell--how's that for a rhyme? God--THREE different situations this weekend where I had to take a stand and say, Nope--that doesn't work for me. In three different ways, emanating on varying levels of irritation from mild to downright pissed off. The one who downright pissed me off I have officially kicked OUT of my life. As in, dropped him as a client, bounced his emails, deleted him from my myspace page, and blocked his calls and texts. Done. Out. As one of my Ex-Marine clients told me recently, "I think you missed your calling as a drill sargeant. Are you suuuure you won't consider a military career?" And I don't even make her do push-ups! Maybe my fuse is just shorter this week.

Ironically, 5 minutes ago, I just gave my daughter a Time-Out for whining. My tolerance levels for whining, moodiness, sleazeball behavior, and pettiness are rapidly decreasing. I deal with so many peoples' crap every single day. Dammit--I'm desperate for a massage and a vacation. I've got a kink in my neck and a growing caffeine deficiency as we speak. But I can afford a vacation right now about as much as a hole in the head--so I'm dropping my chin to the grindstone--determined to GET THIS stuff mailed out--and make some phone calls to magazines next week asking if they take on new freelance writers too...

Research update: checking out agencies' client lists on IMDb--seeing what the women look like--do they look like me--what level are they working at--who have they been with in the past--how many have gotten out recently? Also peeking at other actors' websites--stealing marketing ideas, noting which agencies they're with, if their websites look sleek, who did them, resume formatting, etc... And I'm still researching photographers. Now, if I could keep that all in my head....nope. The minute the screen goes dark--so does my brain. Right into sleep mode.

As for photographers, I'm pretty sure I'm going with David Muller--check out his site if you want--but I'm interviewing a few others and checking out their 'shooting space' in the coming weeks. So, if you're in the market for headshots feel free to comment if you have any leads or want any info that I've gleaned. Happy to share. (Just--ask politely--or I might make you drop and give me 20.)

Alright--my daughter is out of Time Out and I need a short walk. And a cup of joe.

--Eve White