The Battle for the Democratic Card: Hilary and Obama Should Joust

So I'm sitting here, attempting to do a bit of studying and I just had to express a few thoughts on the current Presidential campaign that is unfortunately occurring.  To preface:  I think politics are a bunch of dung. 

So Obama is up there right now.  He's talking about this that and the other -- vague promises and various other crap sporting a darn good version of the quintessential "disarming yet winning smile".  What is he saying now?  "I promise you, America... I will fight to the death."  What's that?  You'll fight to the death, Obama?  You'll fight to the death for health care and good education?  You can stand up there, in your air conditioned convention center and  "one of four pairs of shoes" and feed America as much bullpoo as you can possibly shovel... however, I bet there would be a bit of a issue with the I'm-an-Everyman basket-ball playing Obama if we handed him a sword and told him to go "fight to the death" with a particularly feisty Republican. 

Ah, and then we've got Hilary, who now trots to the stage in her canary yellow Queen Elizabeth collar talking about the steel industry.  Her entire speech is haphazard and sounds like her writer got the thing to her less than twenty minutes ago, possibly drunk.  I'm tuning her out now, too, because I can't get over the fact that she has a striking resemblance to what I now realize is a beaver.  Seriously.  Stare at Hilary Clinton's head on for about thirty seconds and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.  Maybe if she looses the presidential campaign she can do voiceover work for Disney's Flushed Away 2.

"I will get tough on China".  Lord.  Perhaps we can get Hilary and Obama some fencing foils and make them duel Renaissance-style for the Democratic card.  Frankly, I think that'd be more interesting then listening to them talk about things neither of them have enough experience to know terribly much about.  Every statement has this strange resounding echo of "Bullll...shiiiiit.".

Forgive me.  Finals week, deprivation of sleep, and my caffeine IV are making me demon-like and cynical.  But AGH, all I went to do is fling something heavy at my television set right now in an attempt to nail one of those two in their fluffy little domes.  You know you need to turn off CNN when...

-- Ashley Avis