A Breath of Fresh Air

I haven't been home in the autumn weather for years. (Maybe 5 0r 6? Maybe more...) I expected it to be glorious and spectacular and DIFFERENT. While, it's lovely--it wasn't the big thing I had been anticipated. My step-mom said to me, "sometimes you take parts of home with you inside you wherever you go". This is definitely the case for me for FALL. I just keep it with me. So, when I saw the fall colors it was simply a comforting sense of nostalgia and relief that washed over me.

Deep relief...that for at least the next few days I can sit back and relax and watch my relatives dote on my daughter and take a little break from the constant monitoring and correction that is single motherhood (in a land without relatives). Even as I type this, I'm nearly asleep in a food coma after a big spaghetti dinner with the world's most indulgent garlic bread.  I used to hate eating when I came home because the food was always so rich and the choices weren't as "healthy"  or as broad as I was used to in California. However, my nutrition and has taken a hit in the last six months and I'm lucky if I get regular meals in California now (due to expense or time). SO. A big spaghetti dinner and 3 slices of garlic bread AND salad was utter delight! Best part...I didn't even have to cook it--or clean up after!

It's also nice to just not think about ANYTHING career-wise.  To take a break from feeling like I'm not really an actor--simply because I don't have a resume a mile long. Or feeling like my personal life is a train wreck. To take a break from a fledgling Pilates career. To take a break from feeling like EVERYTHING is new and in a delicate balance. Coming home is such a wonderful chance to gain perspective and breathe.

Breathing away from the soot and the ash that is filling the California climate...another plus. AND yet. Nowhere can you escape the pull that is Hollywood. Here I sit watching Grey's Anatomy...

Good grief.

And good night.

--Evelyn White