When Xenu Attacks!

Oh dear, it's later than I imagined.  The time for all of us is running out.  Apparently, Xenu is very close to attacking.   I should have gone to church last Sunday.  It's been some time since I've gone to confession, too.

Tom Cruise Building Bunker To Protect Against Alien Attack

Is the shelter going to have room for the Travoltas?  Or will they be availing themselves of the benefits of John's pilot license and private jet?  Maybe their plane can fly over the volcano and circumvent the avenging, galactical forces?  Or will they be bunkering with Kirstie Alley and Jenna Elfman under their Maine home?   

Will Bella and Connor be allowed to miss school?   I heard that private tutors on movie sets get paid a shit load of money.  I'm a certified NJ teacher.  Does Colorado have a reciprocity agreement with NJ certification?  Might they bend the rules in the event of a Xenu Apocalypse?

If the attack should happen during winter, may I rent the house?  Nobody will be in it and I've always wanted to ski Telluride. 

I'm very excited.  I gotta go to confession and then get my skis polished!  All hail Xenu!

If He doesn't attack and I can't go to Telluride, I will be happy on my home mountain.  I practically live here in winter: Windham Mountain, New York

See ya on the slopes! 

--Jim Todd

(photo courtesy of www.celebrityhomephotos.com)