Home Sweet Home...In My Little Paper Bag
I moved into my little bungalow nearly 2 months ago. I can't believe it's been that long. I haven't painted yet, but some things are hung, there's rugs on the floor, an old, simple, but lovely bed frame finally holding up my mattress. I actually have all the required appliances... It's beginning to feel like home; settling in nicely. My schedule is shifting a bit again. I drop the bar as of Oct 19 and I'm going to be starting my member activity with Open At The Top soon--so old doors close and new windows open.
I'm happy about all these things AND I'm finally getting settled in my new place. So WHY did I have a Panic Attack yesterday? AND the day before that? I didn't realize it was a panic attack at first. However, after I took myself OFF of a certain medication a doctor had prescribed for an ear infection that was making my heart race--that left only one option. I had experienced a panic attack before when I was living in Alameda. Went to the hospital SURE there was something wrong with me...and there was, but it was simply a tight pectoral muscle and too much stress. My chest muscles were all out of whack and I needed a good, long, nap. However, it doesn't make you feel anything other than STUPID when a nurse asks you after a thorough exam, "Have you ever had a panic attack?" "Well, no," I had said, more than sheepishly.
Now, more than 2 years later I find myself having another one. Panic attacks for me are not like hyperventilating or screaming or any loud nonsense. Rather, they're an indescrible feeling that something is irrevocably WRONG; a worried shortness of breath, combined with physical pain. Physically, mentally, whatever--a disturbing combination. Again, a tight pec muscle and an over-worked rectus abdominus were to blame combined with GEE, just a little stress--ya think? Weird, that that simple muscle tightness should cause shortness of breath and a sense of complete doom, but, it does. I'm used to having a strong body. So when things aren't right, it freaks me out. It's also important to realize where in your body you hold stress and why... But that's a whole OTHER blog.
Also, now that my life is slowing down and taking shape in my new home, that means I actually have to process things: like keeping my acting career on the up and up, being a better and better parent each day, finishing my hours toward my Pilates certification, and keeping my house clean...financial stress doesn't help oh and there's that little thing called Divorce. But, I'm moving ahead with the KNOWLEDGE that I am financially prosperous and emotionally sound and living in perfect health. Meanwhile, still learning and appreciating the art of budgeting. That alone is enough to make anyone breathe in a paper bag. Or...move into one.
Just keep breathing, just keep breathing...