Can't Think

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It's so hot and sticky in my apartment right now I can't think. Yesterday I did nothing. Glorious nothing. I'd told myself I'd at least go to the gym - but I didn't. I never left my apartment - not even to get the mail. In fact, at one point, I hate a half pint of Rocky Road ice cream and then took a nap immediately afterwards. Mmmmmmm... indulgent laziness...

I did do some thinking, though (and worked on my parent's anniversary gift). Usually I'm an over-thinker. I analyze everything and when it comes to making choices - forget getting an answer in a reasonable amount of time.

But these past few weeks have been different. I've been pacified. Having acting work - for me - is like sticking a huge pacifier in my mouth. Top that off with having a man kinda-sorta in my life and, wow. My brain has completely vacated the building.

Anyway, as I was saying though, yesterday I got to thinking about my life and choices and patterns. I've gone through a lot of transitions in my life, especially within the last couple years. But, like anything, it can be hard to maintain certain transformations. We can slip back into old habits of negative thinking, or desperation or giving ourselves away too quickly. None of these things are terrible, it's just sometimes we forget how to behave in order to really get what's best for ourselves.

Although, it's all part of the journey.

Maybe I'll try Capes Coaching. Or plan a little weekly 15-minute meditating session into each week. Sit down with a pad and pen and recap mentally everything I've done, how it fits into my plan for myself, how to move forward, etc. There are goals I need to touch-base with regarding career and personal life. I have to make sure the decisions I am making now uphold those goals or at least they don't sabotage them.

This is hard to do when I feel as warm (a little too warm at the moment) and fuzzy inside as I do now. My brain is still napping and it wants to enjoy this down time. But... I can't let it oversleep.

--Susan Atwood